Happy October, Friends!
Does that girl on the left look a bit familiar? Wow! She was something - all Pat Benatar haircut and snarling 90s attitude, with Marlboro Lights and bright red nails.
It wasn’t Halloween, just a regular Friday night. And I wasn’t going out to a fancy club. My friend Mia and I were just going to a college dance in the cafeteria and we wanted everyone to know we were artsy!
The reality was very different.
I looked brave and creative on the outside, but on the inside I was afraid and ashamed and not creating anything at all. I had dropped out of an art program the previous year because I compared myself and my work to everyone else and I was always felt less than - less talented, less imaginative, less good, less, less, less. My inner critic was so loud that I couldn’t be an artist anymore. I pushed those desires down and decided to become an English teacher instead, which felt safer and much quieter.
Eventually, I gave up cynical t-shirts and cigarettes and red nails too.
At age 56, I look all suburban on the outside, but I am actually artsy on the inside. I make something every day. I experiment without fear. I laugh without regret or worry that I am too much, too loud, too bold. I even teach art, but I don’t look very artsy. That is changing.
When Mia sent me this picture a few weeks ago, I stared at it for a long time. I remembered the frustrations and deep sadness I felt. I offered that young woman some compassion and I could feel her best parts rise up. I could feel her energy, her bravery, her desires again. She was still in there waiting to come out.
And the first thing she wanted was red nail polish!
This month, let’s all be a bit more artsy on the inside and the outside. Let’s give ourselves permission to express our desires and create without fear. Maybe put together an outlandish Halloween costume or just wear a t-shirt that announces your love of Billy Idol. You can put purple in your hair or start wearing a beret. Whatever it is, take the chance and make an artistic statement!
Take it from me - it was so much fun driving home from CVS with red nail polish riding shotgun, singing Pat Benatar at the top of my lungs!